Yup, this is another customer service grumble.

I've been a DirecTV (satellite TV) customer almost since the get-go, except for a brief switch back to cable.  That switch to cable was brought on by a very bad experience with DirecTV service, but our local cable company (Comcast) is so horrible that I went back to satellite.  I rationalized that my one bad experience with DirecTV was the fault of one technician, for whom the word "incompetent" is much too kind.  After all, I had experienced a long, almost trouble-free relationship with DirecTV, whereas Comcast never got its system working right at all, despite innumerable service calls.

I'm now sorry to report that DirecTV is also slipping badly in the customer service department.  If the satellite system works without hitch, which it usually does, it's wonderful.  If there's a problem, however, one is in for a difficult time.

It begins – where else? – with the phone menu.  No matter when you call, the recording will say that all reps are busy with other customers.  You are then invited to sit down in front of your TV and follow a set of instructions for trouble-shooting your system.  Having gone through it several times, I know this routine by heart.  In fact, when I call, I've already done it, and I'm calling because it didn't solve the problem.  I've also learned that, if you don't punch a number matching the problem you have, you'll eventually be told to press "O" to get a live representative.  Most people don't realize that, so they get caught in the long trouble-shooting drill; therefore, not many calls get through to live reps, which is how DirecTV wants it to be.  That's obvious.  They start with the recorded "all or reps are busy" to discourage callers from trying to talk with one.  As a further deterrent, they try to lure you into trouble-shooting for yourself.

So, let's suppose you've caught on to the game, and you refuse to push any buttons until the well-concealed option to talk to a representative comes up.  You get a live person.  If you've tried all the things that the trouble-shooting menu suggested (or that you've learned from past experience to do), you probably tell that to the rep.  Guess what?  The rep will make you go through it again until he or she is as convinced as you are that it doesn't work.

At this point, you both know that none of the routine measures work.  This would suggest, in a sensible world, that a field technician needs to come out to exanine the situation.  The problem is most likely with the dish on the roof (where you aren't about to go) or with a defective receiver box, which you cannot fix.  Still, the rep will take you through a number of other time-consuming and frustrating exercises.  It's as if the last thing they want to do is to pay a field technician to come out to take care of it.  However, in almost every instance where the trouble-shooting drill and diagnostics fail, that's what must be done.  By now, anyway, the customer is usually so annoyed that he will insist in a service call.  If the customer does, the rep will reluctantly agree to "transfer you to customer service to set up an appointment."

That's not the end of it.  Chances are that the transfer from the rep to customer service will result in a hang-up.  You have to call the 800 number again and outsmart the same menu again, whereupon you will get a rep again.  You will explain that you just talked to a rep who couldn't resolve the problem, that this rep was supposed to transfer you to customer service to set up a service call, and that you got disconnected.

If you're lucky, this call will be successfully transferred to customer service, who will schedule a service call four or five days down the road, between, say, 1:00 and 5:00 in the afternoon.  You know the drill.  You reconcile yourself to blowing off the whole afternoon waiting for the technician.  The last time we had to do this, the guy showed up at 6:00 p.m.  He did fix the problem, but he was working on the roof after dark – which may be one reason why, two months later, we have a problem that is acting very much like a loose connection.  Perhaps, at the end of the day and working in the dark, the guy neglected to fasten one of the wires securely, and now it is working loose.

Don't get me wrong, folks.  Satellite TV can be terrific, but it's unfortunately like any provider of services these days.  Customer service ranges from bad to worse to worst.  In my area, we have two choices for TV service (outside of putting up a giant antenna in the yard) – satellite and Comcast cable.  For service (i.e., repairs and maintenance), satellite is bad, but Comcast cable is so much worse that it qualifies as worst.  That's a choice?