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The Grumpy Grammarian

Technology has brought us a new form of English – the language for instant messaging and for "texting" on portable devices with tiny viewscreens.  We shall refer to this language as Internet shorthand, although (as shall be seen) it is not, or should not be, appropriate for the vast majority of Internet functions (websites, blogs, e-mail), only for those in which speed and compression are essential.

Some disclosure is necessary at the outset.  I am a fossilized survivor of the prehistoric age of letter writing.  Anything negative that I suggest about Internet shorthand evokes protests from the enthusiastic supporters of this new form of communication: it's in, it's cool, and I am seriously out of date and out of touch.  When I mention the downside, the only individuals who agree with me are other fossils.  I admit to my limitations.  I don't own and have never used any of the thumb-straining devices with the miniscule screens; my experience with instant messaging has been limited.

Nevertheless, I am a devoted user of e-mail.  It has almost entirely replaced my old practice of letter writing, and I appreciate the ability to correspond instantaneously with anyone, anywhere.  Indeed, with e-mail, the amount of correspondence I send and recive has expanded enormously.

I try to retain in nearly all my e-mail messages the same qualities and practices that were present in my old-fashioned letters:  correct grammar and punctuation, complete sentences, thoughts in paragraph units, a modicum of style.  In fact, I think that some of my e-mails are better than my letters were.  While I do try to retain the impression of spontaneity in my personal messages, e-mail gives me the opportunity to easily review and revise what I have written – for correctness, sense, readabilty, and clarity.  I don't consider such review and revision to be a time-consuming nuisance; rather, it is a courtesy that I owe to anyone whom I am expecting to take the time to read my message.  In fact, one of the most striking advantages of electronic writing is the ease with which one can fine-tune it; in letter-writing days, such refinements required rewriting entire pages.

Internet shorthand has a different function.  With instant messaging, speed trumps virtually all other considerations; with "texting" on the small screen, physical limitations preclude the usual amenities.  Capitalization and punctuation are ignored; words are truncated by using abbreviations, phonetic spelling, and numeric symbols.  There's nothing wrong with that – in the appropriate context.  The form of the message matches the medium.

What we fossils object to is the use of Internet shorthand where it is inappropriate.  It has no place in communication when there is no overriding reason for it such as speedy response or space limitations.  theres no xcuse 4 it even in informl riting it sends a mesg that u r lazy sloppy stupid or all 3.  One may argue that it can always be understood (albeit sometimes with considerable effort from the reader) and that it saves the writer keystrokes and therefore time.  However, writing such as the example above gives a negative impression of the writer; it also risks annoying and insulting the reader.

Fortunately, most people who aspire to at least appearing relatively mature have the good sense not to carry Internet shorthand over to formal and semiformal writing.  However, far too many have adopted it for informal correspondence, especially e-mail.  I am dismayed when someone who knows better sends me an e-mail that is written in this "style."  I am tempted to reply:  "if u dont care 2 rite decent email i dont want 2 read it."  Two wrongs do not make a right, however.  I dispose of it as I would any other junk or garbage.

Young people, who tend to be "faddicts," may use Internet abbreviations in an effort to show that they're cool, that they're "in."  What results may often be absurd.  A prime example is "LOL," an abbreviation for "laughing out loud," which originally accompanied a humorous report or a joke.  It may have been cute at first, but soon "LOL" was appearing everywhere.  It was the "in" thing.  People who hadn't the faintest idea what "LOL" stood for used it just to be cool.  That created such absurdities as:  "my grandma died this week im rilly sad – LOL."

The most serious consequennce of Internet shorthand, however, may be that it is habit-forming.  When people extend its use beyond the legitimate boundaries of instant messaging and texting (say, into e-mail), they become addicted.  Soon they cannot help using it in very inappropriate contexts, even when the stakes are high, as in schoolwork or a cover letter for a job application.

Practicing the best kind of writing that one can do at any given point in one's development as a writer makes one a better writer.  Practicing hasty, sloppy writing that ignores capitalization, spelling, and punctuation has the opposite effect.  Do something the "wrong" way long enough, and one may soon forget what the right way is.

Before anyone pounces on my fossilized hide for just being an old poop, let me ask my critics this:  What kind of impression do you want to give?  Do you want to appear to be a slob?  Do you want to give the impression that you don't care enough about your friends to send them your best because that takes a few keystrokes more?  Do you want to appear lazy?  Do you want to look as if you can't spell even though you can?  Do you want people to conclude that you're so uneducated that you don't know what a sentence is?  If that's the way you are, go right ahead with this foolishness, but don't complain when some of your e-mail is unanswered, when you aren't called to interview for that job you wanted, or when somebody asks in earnest whether you've given any thought to growing up.