The Grumpy Grammarian

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My class of 28 students in English 101 at the community college once again verified that college freshmen don't know what they don't know.  On a revised diagnostic quiz, the class average was 50%, with three-fourths below 60% and only three students at 70% or higher (the traditional passing score).  Before they got these dismal results, however, 15 of 28 declared the quiz to be "Easy," 9 said it was "Difficult," and only 1 said it was "Very Difficult."  The rest equivocated, placing it somewhere between "Easy" and "Difficult."

The question that the largest number of students got wrong was – "A rule of grammar states that:  (a) Subjects and verbs must agree in number; (b) Subjects and verbs must agree in gender; (c) Subjects and verbs must agree in tense; (d) All of the above."  Only two students gave fhe right answer (a).  Most (17) said "All of the above," and 9 said, "(c) Subjects and verbs must agree in tense."  Of course, for words to agree in tense, they must have tense, but nouns and pronouns have no tense.  To agree in gender, they must have gender, but verbs have no gender.  That eliminated answers b, c, and d.  When I later asked the class to give me a noun and tell what its tense was, they could not, of course.  Likewise, when I asked them to name a verb and tell me what its gender was, they could not.  Hmm.  Was their failure to answer this question correctly a result of ignorance of grammar, a breakdown of logic, or both?  I would say both, since their writing shows that they have been taught neither grammar nor logic.

Another question missed by a large number of students was a True-False question.  Twenty-two students said that "It is not correct to begin sentence with Because" is true.  Because they couldn't give any good reason for believing this when we discussed it later in class, I must assume that they're just repeating the myth that teachers have been passing on for decades.  The only eason anyone could give was:  "It's not complete.  You can't begin with Because because it is a . . . er .  .  . whatchacallit .  .  . . Preposition?"

I let them know that because is a subordinating conjunction – which evoked several looks that I interpreted as meaning, "It's a what?"  I then wrote on the board:  Because it is raining, I will take an umbrella.  "Is that wrong?" I asked.  "Is that not a correct sentence?"  I constructed similar sentences beginning with although, if, and when – all short complex sentences introduced by a subordinating conjunction.  "If Because it is raining, I will take an umbrella is wrong, so are these," I said.  "Why pick on Because?  Why not declare as incorrect all sentences that begin with although, if, when, since, whenever, while, as, though, and any other word that can function as a subordinating conjunction?"  I thought I heard the sound of shattering myths, and I observed some facial expressions that seemed to say, "Somebody has been lying to us."

Among the questions missed by a very large number of students (20) was another True-False question:  "None is always singular because it means 'Not one.'"  OK, students, is this correct – "We ate all of the cookies, so none is left"?  How about "None of these children has had their supper"?  Just as they have been sold the nonsense about not beginning a sentence with Because, my students have apparently been taught that none must be singular, always meaning "not one."  In practice, they probably know that none can also mean "not any," but they don't think.  Our children are taught to memorize these "nonrules."  They are neither encouraged nor equipped with the logic to challenge them.  It's therefore not surprising that, when I make outlandish statements in class (just to see if anyone says, "Hey, wait a minute," they all sit there, believing this nonsense as readily as they believe commercial claims on television.

Some astounding myths prevail.  Ten students marked as "True" the statement that "The possessive form of it is it's, as in, 'He lost control of his car when it's brakes failed.'"  Six (note this one!) marked as "True" the statement that "The possessive form of they is there, as in, 'Some students never do there homework.'"  Six students believed that alot is a word.   Ten and six may not sound like large numbers, but these figures represent about 36% and 21%, respectively, of the class.  In other words, one-fifth to one-third got at least one of these questions wrong, but all of these students have high school diplomas.  (In addition, six believed that "A spell-check will detect any wrong words in what you have written." )

Eleven (more than a third) did not know the difference between than and then.  They circled then when asked to choose the right word in "We arrived later then / than we expected."  Seventeen incorrectly selected the one-word form in "She exercises everyday / every day to keep from gaining weight.  Admittedly, this is a little tricky and is prompted by the prevalence of this error in signs and advertising ("We have low prices everyday"), but it's still alarming that nobody has taught them the difference between the adjective everyday and the noun phrase every day, which means "each day."

These students are clueless about the case of pronouns.  They're conditioned not to use the pronoun me, even when it is correct.  One question (incorrectly answered by all but four students) asked, "Which of the following is correct?  (a) My mother gave my sister and me $10,000; (b) My sister and me are going to use the money for a down payment on a house."  Options c and d were, respectively, that both are correct and that neither is correct.  Of course, answer a is correct.  There is, of course, nothing wrong with "(a) My mother gave me $10,000," and the presence of "my sister" doesn't change that.  Answer b is wrong.  We wouldn't say "Me are" or even "Me is"; again, the presence of "my sister" doesn't change that.  However, 18 students (all but 10) thought that both answers were wrong.  I must assume this was because it has me in it.  Five thought that both were right, and one thought that only b was right.  In a nutshell, 18 marked a correct pronoun wrong, five thought an incorrect pronoun was right, and one did both.

The other pronoun question (missed by 20) asked:  "Which of the following is correct?  (a) Please send the chek to Mr. Jones or me; (b) Please send the check to Mr. Jones or I; (c) Please send the check to Mr. Jones or myself; (d) Please send the check to myself or Mr. Jones.  Of course, c and d are identical except for word order, and both are wrong because we would never say, "Send the check to myself."  Still, eight students thought c was correct, and eight thought that d was correct.  How one could be correct and not the other defies all logic.  Four students are so terrified by the pronoun me that they selected answer b.  They would "send the check to I."  Once more, we have evidence that they are not just ignorant of pronoun case; their logic circuits are misfiring or aren't working at all.

The class did only a little better on the proper punctuation of compound and complex sentences.  On a relatively uncomplicated compound sentence in which the second clause was introduced by however, only 10 students were able to select the version that was properly punctuated.  In another multiple-choice question where two complex sentences and one compound sentence were all incorrectly punctuated, only 12 students selected the correct fourth choice, "All of these sentences are correctly punctuated."  The sentence selected as correct by 10 of the 16 who gave the wrong answer was a glaring comma splice.

Forget about identifying subjects.  Students received a two-point bonus for identifying the subject in "A study of the habits of TV users reveals that at least 50% of them ignore commercials," 11 were able to identify study as the grammatical subject.  The question also gave them the choice of selecting reveal or reveals as the verb.  Although all but four selected the singular verb reveals, several who did so selected the plural noun habits or users as the subject – another breakdown in logic.

Here's another logical disconnection.  Asked to identify the verb in "Good writing is difficult," 14 students selected writing (one confused student thought the verb was Good).  However, on the next sentence ("Writing in class is a challenge because of time limitations"), 22 students correctly identified Writing as the subject.  In two similarly structured sentences, it was used as a verb in one and a subject (used as a noun) in the other?  In this second sentence, 5 thought that class was the subject; one thought limitations was.  (I wonder if this is the same person who called good a verb.)

As a final question, I asked students to name the eight parts of speech, for a half point each.  (The quiz had 25 questions, each worth 4 points.)  Not surprisingly, nobody got them all.  Surprisingly, a number got four or more, possibly because four had been named in the context of the quiz.  Still, some could not get four, even though the terms verb, pronoun, adjective, and noun appeared there.

Average class scores on a diagnostic quiz of this type (it is not the same every semester) have been declining gradually each semester, even though I tend to make it more basic each time.  I'm beginning to wonder.  if I were to try a one-question diagnostic – "Print the English alphabet" – would everyone get 100?  I doubt it.