This column is not mine (though I wish it were).  It was written by syndicated columnist Rob Kyff ("The Word Guy"), who has kindly granted me permission to reproduce it.  When I saw it in my local newspaper, The Times of Trenton, on January 3, 2003, I said (once I stopped laughing), "This guy hit just about all my leading pet peeves about blunders, cliches, and misuse of English."  So here it is.

Let’s begin 2003 with some linguistic resolutions:

1)  I will not use myself when me or I is correct.  I will not say, “Please see Harry or myself,” or “Harry or myself will handle the project.”

2)  I will not say between you and I, even though it sounds more sophisticated than the correct between you and me.

3)  I will not use the clichés proactive, ramp up, at the end of the day, closure, vision, mission, arguably, basically, absolutely, icon, nuanced, robust, transparent, looking to, have issues with, raised eyebrows, win-win, wake-up call, on the same page, doable, legendary or go missing.

4)  I will not use the objective case him, her, them, or  me when the nominative case he, she, they, or I is correct.  In 2002, I said, “Him, her, them and me work for Enron.”  In 2003, I will say, “He, she, they and I work in the prison library.”

5)  I will not confuse it’s with its, they’re with their or there, every day with everyday, compliment  with complement, rein with reign, undue with undo, affect with effect, further with farther, elicit with illicit, lie with lay or N Sync with Backstreet Boys.

6)  I will not, repeat, not use the repetitive repeating redundancies meet up with, very unique, exact same, IRA account, PIN number, new innovation, pre-planned, the reason is because, join with me, false solution, off of, from whence, free gift or continue on.

7)  I will, like, never, you know, like, insert like, you know or um into, like, any sentences that I, um, speak.

8)  I will express myself on paper and orally in a manner that is unobstructed by obfuscation, incoherence and superfluous verbiage . . . er, I will write and speak clearly.

9)  I will never use the sarcastic putdowns duh!, hellOH?, exCUSE me, Let’s not go there, ya think? or whatever.

10)  I will lose weight, exercise more, spend less money, and be nicer to family and friends.  Whatever.  Ooops.

Rob Kyff (The Word Guy)